Dear readers, salam aleikum,
today I wanted to write about the importance of our parents and therewith our whole family. As you might know, in Islam the family bond and the maintenance thereof is of high importance. As a revert, I personally had a lot of problems with my parents not understanding my choice and this obviously caused a lot of unnecessary pain and trouble. However what inspired me to write on this topic was the fact that after nearly a year, I had proper contact with one of my parents again, elhamdullillah.
In this post update I want to touch upon:
1) Quranic verses and Hadiths on the importance of a good parental/familial bond
2) Share some personal experience and therewith insha'Allah provide other reverts with some advice
3) Provide a Du'a dedicated to the forgiveness of our parents
Below I posted some of the many Quranic verses translated into English (retrieved from Parsquran.com) :
"And we have enjoined on man goodness to his parents, and if they contend with you that you should associate (others) with me, of which you have no knowledge, do not obey them, to me is your return, so i will inform you of what you did." (29:8)
"And we have enjoined man in respect of his parents-- his mother bears him with faintings upon faintings and his weaning takes two years-- saying: be grateful to me and to both your parents; to me is the eventual coming."(31:14)
"And we have enjoined on man doing of good to his parents; with trouble did his mother bear him and with trouble did she bring him forth; and the bearing of him and the weaning of him was thirty months; until when he attains his maturity and reaches forty years, he says: my lord! grant me that I may give thanks for thy favour which thou hast bestowed on me and on my parents, and that I may do good which pleases thee and do good to me in respect of my offspring; surely I turn to thee, and surely I am of those who submit." (46:15)
Here are just some of the 40 Hadiths on parents (retrieved from Al Islam.org :
عَنْ أَمِيرِ الْمُؤْمِنِينَ )ع) أَنَّهُ قَالَ: بِرُّ الْوَالِدَيْنِ أَكْبَرُ فَرِيضَـةٍ.
"The Commander of the Faithful (peace be upon him) has said: “Goodness towards (one’s) parents is the greatest obligatory act.”
Mizanul Hikmah, Volume 10, Page 709
قَالَ رَسُولُ اللٌّهِ )ص): مَنْ أَرْضَى وَالِدَيْهِ فَقَدْ أَرْضَى اللٌّهَ وَ مَنْ أََسْخَطَ وَالِدَيْهِ فَقَدَ أَسْخَطَ اللٌّهَ.
"The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him and his family) said: “One who pleases his parents has verily pleased Allah, and one who has angered his parents has verily angered Allah.”
Kanzul `Ummal, Volume 16, Page 470
قَالَ رَسُولُ اللٌّهِ )ص): مَا مِنْ وَلَدٍ بَارٍّ نَظَرَ إِلـى أَبَوَيْهِ بِرَحْمَةٍ إِلاَّ كَانَ لَهُ بِكُلِّ نَظْرَةٍ حَجَّةٌ مَبْرُورَةٌ. فَقَالُوا يَا رَسُولَ اللٌّهِ وَ إِنْ نَظَرَ فِي كُلِّ يَوْمٍ مِائَةَ نَظْرَةٍ؟ قَالَ نَعَمْ. أَللٌّهُ أَكْبَرُ وَ أَطْيَبُ.
"The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him and his family) said: “Every righteous child who casts a look of mercy and affection upon his parents shall be granted, for every look of his, rewards equivalent to that of an accepted Hajj.” Those around the Prophet questioned: “O’ Prophet of Allah! Even if he were to look at them a hundred times a day?” The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him and his family) replied: “Indeed! Allah is the Greatest and Most Kind.”
Biharul Anwar, Volume 74, Page 73
عَنِ الرِّضَا )ع) فِي كِتَابِهِ إِلَى الْمَأْمُونِ قَالَ: وَ بِرُّ الْوَالِدَيْنِ وَاجِبٌ وَ إِنْ كَانَا مُشْرِكَيْنِ وَ لاَ طَاعَةَ لَهُمَا فِي مَعْصِيَةِ الْخَالِقِ.
"In a letter to Ma`mun, Imam ar-Ridha (peace be upon him) wrote: “To do good to one’s parents is obligatory, even if they are of the polytheists, however, they should not be obeyed in acts that go against the commands of Allah.”
Biharul Anwar, Volume 74, Page 72
Now I would like to share my personal experience, as a revert telling my parents that I became Muslim.
As you might have read in my previous posts, I became Muslim in January 2011, however I chose not to share this choice with anyone. I delayed talking to my parents until April and this did not help their understanding. They were surprised and for obvious reasons concerned, for they are (along with sadly the majority of people) easily influenced by the Western media portraying Islam as a radical religion.
So this took me quite some time to convince them that it is in fact their raising was greatly in line with Islamic morals. From an early age on I was greatly encouraged to not blindly follow others and to have my own opinion, to respect the elderly, be good to the environment, to love animals and not harm them, to not be promiscuous, to not drink or smoke or do drugs and to not mix with people who do. All these things I was raised with and I am now understanding that these moral wisdoms can only come from a peaceful, harmonious and scientifically founded religion. For science and social interactions are important to understand also in daily life and elhamdullillah Islam provides this. Allah swt supplied us with His perfected and complete religion and we should try every day to come closer to Allah swt by gaining more and more knowledge and by thinking about our iman every step of the way!
The advice that I can give based on my personal experience is: try to be open with your parents/family, however try to talk on their level and never talk down to them. Provide them with information in their own language and check the information before you give it to them, for not all sources are reliable. Do not exclude them from your life, even if they try to do this to you. Treat them better than you did before you reverted, you now have the knowledge Islam gave you and therewith also the responsibility to look after your parents.
The love your parents have towards you is God-given, it will never fade even if you might think it has. Not perceiving it does not mean it is not felt by them. And the advice which is more valuable than anything anyone can ever tell you is: Put your trust in Allah swt, Allah knows all that is open and secret, and therefore Knows what is best for you. However in this life we will be tested, but choosing the right path (even when Satan makes it look hard) will always bring you good things. Do not forget that you have a great inner power, a power of prayer and supplication! Ask Allah for help, for he is the most Helpful, the most Merciful! Subhanallah!
Below you can read a du'a or supplication you can do for your parents, the link will take you to the audio file.
You can find this du'a and many more on www.duas.org :
O God,
bless Muhammad, Thy slave and Thy messenger,
and his Household, the pure,
and single them out for the best of Thy blessings,
Thy mercy,
Thy benedictions, and Thy peace!
And single out my parents, O God,
for honour with Thee and blessings from Thee,
O Most Merciful of the merciful!
O God,
bless Muhammad and his Household,
teach me through inspiration
knowledge of everything incumbent upon me toward them,
and gather within me
knowledge of all that completely!
Then make me act in accordance
with what Thou hast inspired me
and give me the success to put into practice
the knowledge Thou hast shown to me,
lest I fail to act
according to something Thou hast taught me
or my limbs feel too heavy to perform
that with which Thou hast inspired me!
O God,
bless Muhammad and his Household,
as Thou hast ennobled us through him,
and bless Muhammad and his Household,
as Thou hast made incumbent upon us
rights toward the creatures because of him!113
O God,
fill me with awe of my parents,
the awe one has toward a tyrannical sovereign,
and let me be devoted to them,
with the devotion of a compassionate mother!
Make my obedience and devotion to them
more gladdening to my eyes
than sleep to the drowsy
and more refreshing to my breast
than drink to the thirsty,
so that I may prefer their inclination
to my inclination,
set their satisfaction
before my satisfaction,
make much of their devotion to me
though it be little,
and make little of my devotion to them
though it be great.
O God,
lower before them my voice,
make agreeable to them my words,
make mild before them my temper,
make tender toward them my heart,
and turn me into their kind companion,
their loving friend!
O God,
thank them for my upbringing,
reward them for honouring me,
and guard them as they guarded me in my infancy!
O God,
and whatever harm has touched them from me,
detested thing has reached them from me,
or right of theirs which has been neglected by me,
allow it to alleviate their sins,
raise them in their degrees,
and add to their good deeds!
O He who changes evil deeds into manifold good deeds!114
O God,
whatever word through which they have transgressed against me,
act through which they have been immoderate with me,
right of mine which they have left neglected,
or obligation toward me in which they have fallen short,
I grant it to them
and bestow it upon them,
and I beseech Thee
to remove from them its ill consequence,
for I do not accuse them concerning myself,
find them slow in their devotion toward me,
or dislike the way they have attended to my affairs, my Lord!
They have rights against me which are more incumbent,
precedence in beneficence toward me that is greater,
and kindness toward me that is mightier
than that I should settle accounts with justice
or repay them with equivalents.
Where then, my God, would be their long occupation
with bringing me up?
Where the hardship of their toil
in taking care of me?
Where the stinting of themselves
to provide me with plenty?
What an idea!
I can never discharge their right against me,
fulfil my obligations toward them,
or accomplish the duty of serving them.
So bless Muhammad and his Household
and help me, O Best of those whose help we seek!
Give me success, O Most Guiding of those whom we beseech!
Place me not among the people of disrespect to fathers and mothers
on the day when every soul will be repaid
for what it has earned,
they shall not be wronged.115
O God,
bless Muhammad, his Household, and his progeny
and single out my parents for the best
which Thou hast singled out
for the fathers and mothers of Thy faithful servants,
O Most Merciful of the merciful!
O God,
let me not forget to remember them after my ritual prayers,
at every time throughout my night,
and in each of the hours of my day!
O God,
bless Muhammad and his Household,
forgive me through my supplication for my parents,
forgive them through their devotion toward me
with unfailing forgiveness,
be well pleased with them through my intercession for them
with resolute good pleasure,
and make them reach through Thy generosity
the abodes of safety!
O God,
if Thy forgiveness reaches them first,
make them my intercessors,
and if Thy forgiveness reaches me first,
make me their intercessors,
so that we may gather together through Thy gentleness
in the house of Thy generosity
and the place of Thy forgiveness and mercy!
Verily Thou art Possessor of abounding bounty
and ancient kindness,
and Thou art the Most Merciful of the merciful!
bless Muhammad, Thy slave and Thy messenger,
and his Household, the pure,
and single them out for the best of Thy blessings,
Thy mercy,
Thy benedictions, and Thy peace!
And single out my parents, O God,
for honour with Thee and blessings from Thee,
O Most Merciful of the merciful!
O God,
bless Muhammad and his Household,
teach me through inspiration
knowledge of everything incumbent upon me toward them,
and gather within me
knowledge of all that completely!
Then make me act in accordance
with what Thou hast inspired me
and give me the success to put into practice
the knowledge Thou hast shown to me,
lest I fail to act
according to something Thou hast taught me
or my limbs feel too heavy to perform
that with which Thou hast inspired me!
O God,
bless Muhammad and his Household,
as Thou hast ennobled us through him,
and bless Muhammad and his Household,
as Thou hast made incumbent upon us
rights toward the creatures because of him!113
O God,
fill me with awe of my parents,
the awe one has toward a tyrannical sovereign,
and let me be devoted to them,
with the devotion of a compassionate mother!
Make my obedience and devotion to them
more gladdening to my eyes
than sleep to the drowsy
and more refreshing to my breast
than drink to the thirsty,
so that I may prefer their inclination
to my inclination,
set their satisfaction
before my satisfaction,
make much of their devotion to me
though it be little,
and make little of my devotion to them
though it be great.
O God,
lower before them my voice,
make agreeable to them my words,
make mild before them my temper,
make tender toward them my heart,
and turn me into their kind companion,
their loving friend!
O God,
thank them for my upbringing,
reward them for honouring me,
and guard them as they guarded me in my infancy!
O God,
and whatever harm has touched them from me,
detested thing has reached them from me,
or right of theirs which has been neglected by me,
allow it to alleviate their sins,
raise them in their degrees,
and add to their good deeds!
O He who changes evil deeds into manifold good deeds!114
O God,
whatever word through which they have transgressed against me,
act through which they have been immoderate with me,
right of mine which they have left neglected,
or obligation toward me in which they have fallen short,
I grant it to them
and bestow it upon them,
and I beseech Thee
to remove from them its ill consequence,
for I do not accuse them concerning myself,
find them slow in their devotion toward me,
or dislike the way they have attended to my affairs, my Lord!
They have rights against me which are more incumbent,
precedence in beneficence toward me that is greater,
and kindness toward me that is mightier
than that I should settle accounts with justice
or repay them with equivalents.
Where then, my God, would be their long occupation
with bringing me up?
Where the hardship of their toil
in taking care of me?
Where the stinting of themselves
to provide me with plenty?
What an idea!
I can never discharge their right against me,
fulfil my obligations toward them,
or accomplish the duty of serving them.
So bless Muhammad and his Household
and help me, O Best of those whose help we seek!
Give me success, O Most Guiding of those whom we beseech!
Place me not among the people of disrespect to fathers and mothers
on the day when every soul will be repaid
for what it has earned,
they shall not be wronged.115
O God,
bless Muhammad, his Household, and his progeny
and single out my parents for the best
which Thou hast singled out
for the fathers and mothers of Thy faithful servants,
O Most Merciful of the merciful!
O God,
let me not forget to remember them after my ritual prayers,
at every time throughout my night,
and in each of the hours of my day!
O God,
bless Muhammad and his Household,
forgive me through my supplication for my parents,
forgive them through their devotion toward me
with unfailing forgiveness,
be well pleased with them through my intercession for them
with resolute good pleasure,
and make them reach through Thy generosity
the abodes of safety!
O God,
if Thy forgiveness reaches them first,
make them my intercessors,
and if Thy forgiveness reaches me first,
make me their intercessors,
so that we may gather together through Thy gentleness
in the house of Thy generosity
and the place of Thy forgiveness and mercy!
Verily Thou art Possessor of abounding bounty
and ancient kindness,
and Thou art the Most Merciful of the merciful!
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